Lesson learned

Dan: You make a lot of charitable donations don't you?
Isaac: I try.
Dan: Who do you give your money to?
Isaac: I used to give to the Democratic Party.
Dan: Not anymore?
Isaac: Well you get your heart broken enough times you learn your lesson.

- Sports Night

I'm giving the Sports Night quote up front this time to put the news of Edwards withdrawal from the presidential race into my own personal perspective. Anyone who pays attention to these kinds of things knew this was coming. He just doesn't capture peoples attention the way Obama and Clinton do. I hate to say it, because I like to believe people are smarter than this, but he doesn't have the cachet of potentially making history. As much as I know that many people have well thought out, well informed, reasons for choosing Obama or Clinton over Edwards, and I've had some excellent debates over the past months about it, I also know that there are many out there who, excited over the idea of the electing the first woman or the first black president, have used that as their sole criteria when casting their votes.

I am, like many, of the opinion that not one of the candidates on either side (or without party affiliation) could possibly be worse at the job than what we've been subjected to these last seven years. I also share the rather popular opinion that it doesn't really matter who the democrats put up on their ticket because this election is practically gift wrapped for them. I share this opinion as well, eloquently voiced by Dan Savage, that I might not mind so much if they did lose to a McCain/Huckabee republican ticket. The thing is though, when you're looking at electoral politics, you may think anything is better, you may think Hillary or Obama (or the two together) could do, not just a better job, but actually a pretty good job, or that even McCain/Huckabee would be, as well, not just better, but actually okay, but the question I put out there is this, who would be the best person for the job?

Not who would be better at it that Bush and Chenny have been. Not who would be good. Not who would be adequate. Not even who's position on the issues do you most closely agree with. Who would be best at the job?

You see there are really three criteria I use in deciding which candidate to vote for. Number one on the list is electability. If they aren't electable it doesn't really matter how good they would be at the job or how much I agree with their positions on the issues. The electability factor isn't so great this time though, because, as I've said, the democrats almost can't lose. The second factor, in a general election, would be agreement on the issues, but I'm not talking about the general election, I'm talking about the primaries. It's true, there are subtle and somewhat important differences between the democratic candidates in this primary and it so happens that I do mostly agree with Edwards, but the difference is so small between Obama, Clinton and Edwards that I pretty much don't take that into account here. The third factor is the most important one in this case and that is effectiveness. Again, it doesn't matter how great the candidates positions are on the issues if, once elected, they can't put any of those great ideas into practice.

The main problem with politics is that it takes two different skills to be electable and to be effective. They aren't necessarily opposites though, there's no reason the two can't exist in one person; Bill Clinton had them both. In fact what it really takes it two different types of charisma, one that appeals to a large audience, that makes the people at large sit up and listen and feel like the understand (even if they don't), the other is the back room deal making type of charisma, the type that is fueled by logic, that backs people into a corner and gives them no choice but to agree with you while simultaneously making them believe that it was their own idea all along. That first type of charisma is what gets people elected; it's what Obama has more of than any of the other candidates out there this year (on either side). The second type though is what gets things done once the ballots are cast and all the inaugural balls are over. That second type is what Edwards has. It's what has made him so successful as a trial attorney.

That ship has sailed though. Edwards isn't going to be the one. I do hope that the winner of this race has the good sense to offer him the vice presidency (and that he has the sense to take it). If it's Obama I don't think he gets much of anything accomplished in his first term if he puts Hillary as his Vice and if he doesn't get anything done in his first term he's less likely to get a second term. If it's Hillary, well, she could probably get some things done with Obama as her Vice instead of Edwards provided she abandons her current philosophy of following rather than leading. If she continues to go with the flow then she needs Edwards to get anything done too.

My secret hope is that Hillary has just been acting the follower in order to get her this far and that once she's elected she turns back into that idealistic fighter that she seemed to be in the early days of her husbands presidency. Since I can't count on that happening, I have to base my opinions on what I've seen not what I hope to see, and I have to say that I'm leaning towards Obama. Of course, Obama only works with Edwards on his ticket as well where as Hillary has the potential to work with anyone else on her ticket so, maybe I'm leaning towards her. I don't think I care much for these two choices.

Why I write (spoiler alert: it's not to impress women or men for that matter)

A year and a half ago practically no one read this blog and the ones that did were random strangers who happened upon it. I most certainly didn't tell any of my friends and family about it. I was afraid, obviously. Not that I thought my friends and family would laugh at me or put down my writing. They love me and I know they'd say it was good even if it sucked.

The thing is, my greatest fear in life is that I won't be smart, or funny, or interesting. I always wanted to be the girl that people would say has nice personality and I always feared that I wouldn't be. I know "nice personality" is supposedly code for ugly and frankly I never cared because, to me, being pretty but dumb and uninteresting would be far worse than being ugly. Nothing would make me happier than to hear that someone said I had a nice personality.

So, I wasn't afraid of what my friends and family would say to me about my writing. I was afraid of what they would think but not say to me. I was afraid that, after reading what I had to say, they'd be out there telling the potential blind dates they were trying to fix me up on that I was cute but have a horrible personality. Of course, I'd never go on any blind dates because I hate dating but that doesn't mean I don't want my friends and family telling people that I have a great personality.

Things have changed a bit in the last year and a half. Now the most traffic my site gets is probably from friends and family. What got me past the fear? A cute boy, of course. Not that I was trying to impress him. I'm pretty sure I couldn't impress him no matter how hard I tried because I wouldn't be me if I didn't fall head over heels for a boy who would never look twice at me. If I were to fall for one of the guys that do want me I'd know I'd been sucked into Bizaro World. No, I wasn't trying to impress him, he just said something that got to me.

As I may have mentioned before, he said that true faith conquers fear (it's where I got the name for my site). I don't know that he even really meant it. He may have just been saying it for the sake of argument (which would frankly be, if possible, even more attractive to me). He did say it though and it hit me like a ton of bricks or one of those giant anvils from the Warner Brothers cartoons. It hit me so hard that I agreed, wholeheartedly (because I really did agree), rather than disagreeing purely for the sake of argument.

I started writing more after that, a lot more, because it's challenging to me. I said before that there was one in thing that I ever felt like I was really good at, that came naturally to me, and I'll tell you right now that thing isn't writing. As much as I'd like it to be, it's not writing. Writing is hard for me and writing about my opinions is especially hard given my fear that people couldn't care less about my ill informed and uninteresting opinions. But I consider myself a person of great faith and faith, true faith, conquers fear right? So I started writing more and I let my friends and family know about it, but I'm not sure I'm entirely over the fear that no one will ever say that I have a good personality.

Stay tuned though for more of my opinions about things like Super Tuesday (which is likely to end badly for me) and Charlie Wilson's War (which I should probably have know was written by Sorkin). Speaking of Sorkin, it's been a while since I left you with any Sports Night inspirations.

"Dan finally got over his writer's block. He met Stacy at the Smoking Dog. Stacy played on the women's professional beach volleyball circuit and it seems she was especially taken with Dan's writing. Dan was reminded why he got into writing in the first place. It was the same reason men do anything...to impress women." - Jeremy (Sports Night)

The definition of me

About a year ago I wrote about my inability to come up with a decent about me blurb for my blog profile (or any of my online profiles). That hasn't changed (and neither has what is written in my about me blurb). I'm thinking about finally giving in to the idea that people can be defined by their likes and dislikes and I'm going to test the theory here.

I like satsumas. I think they smell like Christmas which has always been one of my favorite holidays because I also like giving gifts. I like knowing that I know someone really well and that because of that knowledge I can give them something that will make them happy, or be useful to them. In recent years it's become less of a Christmastime thing and more of a year round thing because, well, I'm not really Christian per se, not actively, and while I love the gift giving it's much more satisfying to do it randomly rather than at one predesignated time of year. Even so, I still love satsumas. Not the ones with seeds though, the smell is the same but you only get the full effect of the smell when you peel and eat them and eating them is way less fun with seeds.

I don't like reality television. I don't think it's remotely real and when you consider that, it's far less interesting than scripted television. Plus I have it on fairly good authority that many of the writers that work on reality television shows (not credited as writers, naturally, but rather given producing related titles), would like to join the Writers Guild of America but can't without risking their jobs.

I like music, most types, especially rock, but I really don't like songs about murder. When I say that, you should know, it's not just a bias against rap music. First of all, I like some rap music and secondly the first song I hated because it was about murder was Maxwell's Silver Hammer by the Beatles so I'm an equal opportunity hater. When I was in my junior high choir we did a whole Beatles retrospective and a classmate of mine said we couldn't sing Hey Jude because her father had told her he thought it was about drug use (which by the way it totally is not), but she (and her father) had no problem with us singing Maxwell's Silver Hammer which is quite clearly and indisputably about serial murder.

I like cats. I like dogs too, in fact I like all animals, but there seems to be a prevalent opinion that you have to choose sides and be either a cat person or a dog person and if that's true I have to say I'm a cat person. Even though one of my cats wakes me up three hours before I need to get up every night. If my alarm is set for 6:00AM she wakes me up at around 3:00AM, if the alarm is set for 9:00 she wakes me up at 6:00. I don't know how she knows what time I'm supposed to get up but she always wakes me up right around 3 hours before it's time and then keeps me awake for about an hour. Annoying? Yes, but she's so cute I can't hold it against her. Plus I know that she's doing it out of love. She has to be in the same room as me all the time, she even follows me into the bathroom, that's devotion (so all you haters who think cats don't get attached to people can suck it).

I like springtime. Right now it's still cold, it even snowed a few days ago, but you can feel spring coming even through the cold. I love springtime almost as much as I love fall, sometimes even more. This spring is kind of biter sweet for me now because it makes me miss the English Garden in Munich. I love forget-me-nots, their one of my two favorite flowers (the other is lilacs which are also one of the first flowers of spring) and they were all over the English Garden. They look a little different than the ones we have here in the states but when I saw them there (first in Switzerland) and I asked my step-mom what they were called (in German) she said "vergesse mich nicht". There are parts of the English Garden where you can't see the grass at all because the forget-me-nots cover it completely.

I like learning new things. I like it when people ask me questions that I know the answers to. I like Zoos and Aquariums even though they also make me a little sad. I like cooking, but I like baking more. I like reading the New York Times and doing, or trying to do, the crossword puzzles. I like reading books, and watching movies, and watching television; I like stories. I like arguing. I like limes. I'll order gin and tonic and eat the slice of lime that comes with it. In fact sometimes I order extra slices of line and eat them too. I like taking pictures, especially candid ones. I like going to baseball games but I don't like watching it on tv. I like swimming everyday but not enough to get up earlier to do it because I like sleep more. I like the smell of coffee but not so much the taste (unless it's got a bunch of sugar and cream in it). I like tea, both the beverage and the meal (I enjoy the tiny sandwiches and mini-pastries). I like beer. I used to hate beer and when you don't like beer everyone will tell you it's an acquired taste and you will scoff but it turns out it really is an acquired taste. I like etymology. I like puns. I like asparagus and gruyere quiche. I like ginger ale flavored Halls. I like gyros and vegetable pakora and I really like the fact that there is a restaurant in Seattle that serves them both. I like buying cookbooks, but I rarely consult them when I'm cooking (only when I'm baking). I like bare feet. I also, ironically, like socks. Most women will spend their time browsing for shoes, but I am far more devoted to the hosiery section.

I don't like crowds and traffic so I tend to stay home on holidays like 4th of July and New Years Eve. In fact I don't really like driving at all. I used to love it. The freedom to just get in the car and go anywhere I wanted was nice until I realized that it never really existed. I was never free to go wherever I wanted. I always had responsibilities and I'm not a person who can just ignore my responsibilities.

I don't like tomatoes. I like tomato based foods but not tomatoes themselves.

I don't like snow on roads. I like snow, just not on roads I have to drive on. I like thunder and rain but I don't like lightning and I don't like wind. I was almost struck by lightning as a kid and sometime that same year the picture window in our living room was blown in by a wind storm; I hold a grudge.

I don't like talking on the phone, except to my mom and my best friend, otherwise I prefer e-mail, text messages, GChat, or in person conversations. I don't like folding the corners down on my books, but I also don't like bookmarks so I'll usually just use a folded post-it note. I don't like dance clubs, I like dancing, but I really don't like the clubs. I don't like flying, I think I may have finally overcome the fear of flying but I still don't like it. I don't like s'mores. I like toasted marshmallows, but not s'mores.

I like it when black cats cross my path and I consider the number 13 to be lucky. I like going to the dentist.

I like cream in my coffee. I like to sleep late on Sundays. And I like people who recognise those last two as Lyle Lovett lyrics.

I really don't think this is helping. I still don't know what to put in the about me section of my profile. I think the about me section is kind of like reality tv. I mean, it's not like people can really get an idea what you're like from a short blurb on an online profile. Even if you read every entry of this blog you might not get a good idea what I'm really like. So, I'm not sure why I'm trying so hard to come up with something. It just bugs me that I'm unable to easily define myself.

Not just a great U2 song

Some people might consider this a guilty pleasure, but I don't believe in feeling guilty about pleasures. So, I have no problem admitting that I love One Tree Hill and not just because it's named after a really great U2 song, and not just because it's one of the only things new on TV right now. Maybe it's a little bit campy and maybe that's even why I like it, but I also don't tend to get too far into analyzing why I like what I like. I just like what I like.

Having said that I feel that One Tree Hill is on a dangerous precipice. It was a high school show and now high school is over for the Tree Hill gang, that always tends to lead a show down hill. Also, it's premiere was shifted to mid-season which must mean that the CW didn't order a full season. To be honest, I don't like it so much that I if it were canceled after this season I'd be distraught, but I like enough to wish it had been given a full season order.

While I might not care too much if the show is canceled after this year there are certain plot points that might make me quite distraught. For example, if Nathan ends up hooking up with the hot nanny Haley hired to take care of their kid then I'll be very upset. If they drag out the Peyton/Lindsay/Lucas love triangle for the whole season I'll be upset. If Brooke ends up running her business into the ground I'll be upset. If Dan gets out of jail and comes back to Tree Hill a changed man (or even the same old evil one) I'll probably stop watching.

I know it seems a little hokey and a lot contrived but I like the fact that the gang is all back in Tree Hill. They went their separate ways after high school but I don't see any reason they shouldn't all be back in town and I like the back stories they've come up with for how and why that happened. I like that Brooke is the biggest success of them all (for the time being). I like this show and I'm glad it's back but I really hope it doesn't take a wrong turn before it's done. If it does, you can count on me to point out exactly where it has gone wrong.

Zunetastic

I have a lot of brand loyalty, especially when it comes to companies based in my home town, like Microsoft. I wanted an IPod in the beginning but it wasn't a priority for me. When I finally had the disposable income available to buy one without concern for priorities I'd heard that Microsoft was planning to come out with it's own MP3 player that would rival the IPod so I waited. I bought the Zune the day it was released and I've loved it.

Admittedly it was primarily brand loyalty that made me get a Zune instead of an IPod, but I also really believed in the product. I think it's a better product and I think that it can be competitive.
That first generation Zune did have a couple features intended to put it ahead of the IPod. First of all it had a "community" function which, if turned on, would search for other Zunes within range and and allow you to send songs to them or receive songs from them. Also, it had a built in radio.

Both of those features were things that IPod didn't have at the time. Those two features alone might have been enough to put Zune ahead of IPod, if the Zune had come out a couple years earlier, but the first one only works if your friends also have Zunes and the second isn't enough in itself to give Zune the edge. The problem was that there were already so many IPods out there that you couldn't count on many of your friends switching to the (equally pricey) Zune when they'd already shelled out for an IPod. I knew plenty of people who already had IPods and didn't want to switch.

IPod was already in it's 3rd or 4th generation at least by the time Zune came out. It was time tested, popular, and well established, market leader. I've heard a lot of people talk about how they wanted to wait until the second generation of the Zune so they could be sure all the bugs would be worked out, but waiting is no fun and many went with the more established IPod rather than waiting for the 2nd generation Zune.

One of the great things about being an "early adopter" is that everyone asks you about the product. All my friends and family, my coworkers and classmates, and numerous strangers on the street have asked me about my Zune. I've told them it's a great product, better than IPod (a comparison I'm able to make despite having never owned an IPod because IPod is so ubiquitous I've had many opportunities to use all the versions of it except the Nano). I've tried to allay their fears about bugs in the first generation. In fact, I've really only noticed one problem: sometimes it plays a different song than the display says it's playing which isn't much of a bug if you ask me (I don't need the display to tell me what song I'm listening to). I've been able to convince several people to come over to my side. In fact I've been so convincing that I think Microsoft ought to be paying me a commission, or perhaps hire me to do marketing for the Zune, or at least give me a new 80G Zune (because my only complaint about my Zune is that 30G just isn't enough space).
The first generation of the Zune didn't exactly knock the IPod off the top of the MP3 player mountain, but I think the second generation could. At very least I think it will be a much tighter race from here on out.

Amazon is leading the charge away from DRM software (which you may remember ITunes came out in support of a while back). There's a pretty clear rivalry between ITunes and Amazon developing and the labels seem to be leaning towards Amazon and away from ITunes. Amazon allows the labels more flexibility, with a range of prices starting at $0.89 per track, where as ITunes sells all tracks for $0.99. With the labels moving support away from ITunes, the corresponding players (IPods) will likely take a hit giving Zune a leg up in the market. It might be wise for Zune to scrap its marketplace in favor of an alliance with Amazon (and I could still feel good about supporting the local economy in my home town).

Zune, by the way, plays the ITunes proprietary file format in addition to MP3 and WMA (at least the first generation one I have does) which means if you do decide to switch to Zune all those songs you ripped to your hard drive in ITunes will still be playable on you new Zune. So, what are you waiting for? It's time to make the switch to Zune.

Fatherhood

I went to see Jersey Boys last weekend and this weekend I saw my dad's band play. What do the two have to do with each other?

Parents have to make difficult choices. In the play, and presumably in real life as well, Frankie Valli spent most of his time out on tour. He had to provide for his family and his voice was a better way to do that than breaking and entering.

My dad has an amazing voice. He may not have the range that Frankie Valli has (who does really), but he's a great singer. He sings 'Bring it On Home to Me' better than Sam Cooke. He's very talented and I believe he could have been a huge star.

My dad may be a great singer but that's nothing compared to how great he is at being a dad. He was always there for me. If I got sick at school and needed someone to pick me up my dad came. He took me to my dance lessons and doctor appointments. He was there, unlike Frankie Valli. All I ever had to do was call and he was there for me.

Of course, my dad had to be there because my mom was in law school and then an associate when I was young, so she worked really long hours. Of course she still made it to all my birthdays and dance recitals (she even made costumes when the occasion called for it) so it wasn't a gender bended Cat's in the Cradle situation, but she did sacrifice spending more time with her kids in order to provide for them.

Parents make sacrifices for their kids. Frankie Valli sacrificed time with his kids so that he could provide for them and so that when he did see them it wouldn't be with bullet proof glass between them.

I say that parents make sacrifices for their kids as though it's a given, but the truth is they choose the sacrifices they make. Many parents, too many, choose other things over their children's needs.

My parents divorced when I was too young to remember them ever having been married. For all of my childhood I had no idea that their divorce was anything but amicable. My brother probably saw the subtext under their friendly veneer because he was older, but I always thought they were good friends still. I don't know what it cost them to make me feel like, despite being a child of a "broken home" I was still part of a family who all loved each other (if not in the traditional ways). It amazes me now that I know the whole story, that they were able to give me that. They chose to be civil to each other which often times divorced parents can't manage to do.

I don't know if my dad was ever offered the opportunity to tour when I was a kid because I've never asked him for the specifics. I do know that he's a pretty successful musician locally and has toured a bit recently (since I've been an adult). As I said, I believe that if he had toured in his youth he could have been a big star. I don't know if even wanted that life, but I believe he could have had it and I know that at least part of the reason he didn't go that route (if not the sole reason) was so he could be there for his kids. Every time I hear him sing I feel so lucky that even with the talent he has he chose to be there for me.

Democratic primaries: Why don't they just draw straws

When Hillary Clinton was first lady the thought crossed my mind that she might be positioning for a political career of her own. She was certainly very involved in her husband's presidency. I was a big fan of her universal health care plan so I was thrilled with the idea that she might make a run at the oval office one day. Even when she was running for senate I looked forward fondly to the day she'd be president. The problem I find now is that she's lost all the idealistic fighting spirit she once seemed to have. Now she goes along with the party line or the prevailing winds or whatever.

Those who know me are probably scratching their heads because they've heard me rail against idealism in politics and it's true; I've long said that one of the most important characteristics in a successful politician is the ability to compromise. The truth is that I believe it takes both and it's a delicate balance.

Bill Clinton's presidency is a great example. During his campaign he promised to reform health care. He appointed Hillary to that project and then when she came up with an overly ambitious proposal he passed on it. Could be that he just saw that there was no way it could pass or it could be that he traded it for political capital which he needed to broker bi-partisan deals in Congress and the Senate in order to balance the budget (which was another campaign promise of his). Either way he got the budget balanced and he didn't push the health care proposal which, as much as I love it, was never going to make it through.

Who knows? Maybe Bill came back and told the comittee (i.e. Hilllary) that they needed to scale back their proposal and Hillary stuck to her idealistic guns on that one. Maybe she was so disillusioned by the outcome that she lost her idealism all together. I can't say what went on in the back rooms and behind closed doors, but what I think is clear is that Bill Clinton had the right combination of idealism and pragmatism, he knew how to prioritize and when to compromise and how to get things accomplished. I consider that balanced budget the great legacy of the Clinton presidency and the prime example of the delicate balance it takes to get things done at the top level of legislature (or any level of legislature really). Hillary just doesn't have either of those qualities (idealism or pragmatism) now. I think she did once but not anymore.

So, if not Hillary, who do I support? Well I think it takes a lot of charisma to be president. A president has to be able to gain broad support from the general population of the country. Bill Clinton had that in spades as well. It also takes a different, and sort of opposite, kind of charisma. It takes an argumentative type of charisma. Congressman and senators either have that broad base garnering charisma or are at least familiar enough with it to be able to see through it easily. In order to broker deals with them a president has to be convincing not just to the public at large but to highly intelligent and inherently suspicious congressman and senators.

Obama certainly has the broad base appeal type of charisma. I think he may be a little too idealistic though. I doubt his ability to prioritize or maybe I just doubt what his priorities would be. He talks a lot about foreign policy which is definitely important but I wouldn't want to see domestic policy be pushed aside in favor of it.

It's possible that he just plays up the foreign policy angle to deflect the idea that many people seem to have that he's too inexperienced at foreign policy to run the country, especially with the international political climate the way it is right now. However, if that is the reason he talks so much foreign policy then that does more to convince me that he is too inexperienced than the opposite (or that he's too disingenuous). He does have the charisma though, which Edwards kind of lacks.

Edwards strikes me as better at the deal brokering side of politics (in other words the actual getting things done part of the job). He's won a lot of trials and that's a skill that I think will translate. That means he's good at convincing people, even people who are specifically looking for holes in his arguments.

I think I'd vote for an Edwards/Obama ticket in either order, but I'd prefer it in that order. If it were Clinton/Obama (or Obama/Clinton)...well I'd probably still vote for them, but if the opposing side were McCain/Hukabee I'd be very conflicted about it. Unfortunately I live in Washington and most elections are already decided long before my state turns blue (which it always does) on their little maps.

Even less real than reality television

I don't date much, not that I dislike dating, but...okay, actually I dislike dating. A lot. It's just so artificial. The attempting to get to know someone while also trying to decide if you feel anything for them is, if possible, even less real than reality television.

You meet someone you think you might like and they ask you out (or you ask them, but I never do that). You go out and spend a couple hours, probably over dinner, asking each other a standard list of questions. Sometimes this process is very awkward as you learn you have nothing in common.

Even when it's not painfully awkward it can still be a failure. You sit there thinking this guy is fantastic...smart, funny, cute...you've got a lot in common, but not so much as to make conversation boring, but you feel nothing for them. You spend the entire night wondering why on earth you don't feel something, anything, for the guy. You wonder if you can make yourself feel something. Maybe you even try. You go out on a second, maybe even a third date, but it never works. Sometimes it goes the other way and they are the ones who feel nothing for you.

Usually that set of circumstances leads to the "lets just be friends" speech. I assume that people mean it when they say things like that, partly because I have a lot of faith in people, but mostly because I mean it when I say it.

If I had an amazing time with someone, loved hanging out with them, and want to keep doing it, just not as their girlfriend, I'll tell them I just want to be friends and I'll mean it. Of course, most of the time when that happens guys will keep hanging out with me for a little while thinking that somehow they'll change my mind and when they find that's not the case they stop returning my calls, or they automatically assume I didn't mean it and stop returning my calls.

Sometimes I come away from the experience with some great friends, but not often. In general, the whole dating experience is a waste of time. It's way better to get to know someone before you date them at which point it's not really "dating" so much as the evolution of friendship into something more. The risk exists that you may lose a good friend in a breakup but, in my experience, that's rare and avoidable, and even when it can't be avoided the risk would still have been worth it.

So, I don't date. I wonder if maybe I should, but the experience is so excruciating that I can't really bring myself to "put myself out there". You know what I mean, you have to do something, join a singles club of some kind, or start using match.com, or start hanging out in bars or worse yet "clubs" and that's just the precursor to the aforementioned painfully bad dating experience. Waste of time, right?