I still have my pride
A lot of people seem to spend time and energy trying to figure out what their "type" is. Of course I'm talking about the things they look for in a mate and everyone has some things that they are attracted to, obviously, but personally I don't put a lot of stock in the idea that I have a type. I did recently find myself exclaiming that all the cute boys in the world seem to share the same astrological sign (Leo), and I do wonder at the fairly large coincidence that all of the guys I've ever had any romantic interest in have been Leos, but they don't share much else in common.
The first guy I fell for, in the 8th grade, was very Catholic. I asked him once, in jest, if he was going to come to school with ashes on his forehead the next day (Ash Wednesday) and he said no, in all seriousness, that he was going to church after school. He was tall (6'2") and skinny with light brown hair and he was painfully shy. The only reason he started talking to me was that I called him (to tell him that I didn't like him).
The next guy that caught my eye was a total Birkenstock wearing, tree hugging, granola head, hippy. He had blond hair and blue eyes and wasn't much taller than me. He was totally confident and focused. At 17 (two years older than me) he knew exactly what he wanted to do and be. He was going to go to Western and major in Environmental Studies and then become a park ranger. And that is exactly what he did. He was the first, and really only, person (so far) that made me feel like I might have that great personality I'm always hoping people will say I have. He gave me the brush off, but as he was doing it he told me, and I couldn't help but believe him because he wasn't the type of guy who said things he didn't mean, that he really liked me and that he was sure if I just let people really get to know me that other people, other guys, would like me too.
After that there was a punk (in both attitude, style, and taste in music). He had long, dark brown hair, shaved on the sides and dyed purple (my favorite color). He had 14 earrings and one belly button ring (he pierced it himself with a safety pin by the way). He played drums and wore golf pants cut off at the knee with converse and he smoked like a chimney. Every girl that met him wanted him (no matter what she thought her type was). The fact that he even looked twice at me was enough to have me fall head over heels for him, but he could not be tied down. I suppose I should have been flattered rather than profoundly confused when he was making out with me one day and trying to fix me up with his best friend the next day (and I mean that literally, it was the next day).
I fell pretty hard for the best friend ultimately too but it took me so long to make the transition that I missed my window with him. He was on the swim team at school and had the build to prove it. He was a huge U2 fan and had the self righteous attitude to prove that (but then so was I and so did I). He was somehow simultaneously confident and self conscious. I'm afraid I might have hurt him with my indecisiveness, but I don't feel too bad about it since he humiliated me with his indecisiveness.
My senior year I went out with a guy who was two years younger than me. I don't know that I really "fell for" him though. I liked him a lot, and at the time I said I loved him, and I probably did in a way, but not in that way. He was the younger brother of a guy I'd gone out with briefly the year before. My friend and I decided to adopt him into our circle of friends, to keep an eye on him because I was still sort of friends with his brother who'd graduated the previous year. We spent a lot of time hanging out with him over the summer and by the beginning of senior year he and I were a couple. I think he really wanted to go out with one of my other friends but she was taken so he settled for me. Not my most romantic relationship but (at 6 months) it was my longest at that point.
After high school I thought I met The One (that was when I believed there was only one person, a soul mate, for every one). He was hard working and smart and funny and good. I don't know how else to put it, he was a really good guy. I knew before I even met him that he would be someone important in my life and when I did meet him I fell in love quickly (if not immediately). It wasn't so fast for him and when he finally did fall in love with me he said he didn't know how he could have been so cold in the face of such kindness. What struck him the most about me was not my big brown eyes, or my hair (which I was quite proud of at the time), or my body, or anything on the surface. He was attracted to my kind heart and I think I loved him all the more for it. He was the kind of guy that you knew would never fail at anything he set his mind to both because he had natural talent (intelligence, athleticism, etc) and because he worked so hard. You could never begrudge him the good things that came to him because you knew he deserved everything good and that it couldn't happen to a better guy.
I became very picky after that. Before I had a new crush every time I turned around. I fell in and out of love at least once a year, but now I'm looking for a whole package. You know, someone who's got looks and personality, who gets me, who I'm attracted to but also have real feeling for. The first date I went on after my one serious relationship ended was with a Jewish boy from LA and I joked that perhaps Jewish boys from LA were going to be my new type. I didn't fall for that first guy though and for the life of me I can't figure out why I didn't feel anything for him since he was smart and funny and cute, too tall but that wouldn't stop me (I don't think), maybe it was just too soon after the break up (that's what I told him).
While I didn't fall for him the joke about Jewish boys from LA becoming my new type did turn out to be kind of apt because the next guy I did really fall for (two years later) was also a Jewish boy from LA. He has a talent that sometimes makes me feel very small by comparison. He'll ask me for my opinion about things he's written and I'll just wonder why. I wonder what he thinks I have to offer. I don't write poetry or short stories. I don't know anything about them. I write fluff. I am a hack. He writes things that are complex and interesting and subtle and often funny. But rather than being discouraged by it I'm challenged. I think that is one of the things that is so attractive to me. For the first time I don't look at someone who decides they want something and goes after it and just think, damn that's hot, I finally also think, damn why don't I do that.
They are an interesting mix aren't they? You want to know what they all have in common (all but one at least). They were all born between the 21st of July and the 22nd of August. I'm generally not a big believer in astrology. I read horoscopes mostly for laughs, but I can't really ignore this level of coincidence. In truth even random guys I meet and think are cute, like the bartender at my new favorite pub, turn out to be Leos. If I did buy into astrology this fact alone might actually be pretty good evidence against its precepts since I am Taurus and I've been told by people who do follow astrology that Taurus and Leo are supposed to be one of the worst combinations in the Zodiac. But of course I don't buy into it. And I certainly don't have a type.
The first guy I fell for, in the 8th grade, was very Catholic. I asked him once, in jest, if he was going to come to school with ashes on his forehead the next day (Ash Wednesday) and he said no, in all seriousness, that he was going to church after school. He was tall (6'2") and skinny with light brown hair and he was painfully shy. The only reason he started talking to me was that I called him (to tell him that I didn't like him).
The next guy that caught my eye was a total Birkenstock wearing, tree hugging, granola head, hippy. He had blond hair and blue eyes and wasn't much taller than me. He was totally confident and focused. At 17 (two years older than me) he knew exactly what he wanted to do and be. He was going to go to Western and major in Environmental Studies and then become a park ranger. And that is exactly what he did. He was the first, and really only, person (so far) that made me feel like I might have that great personality I'm always hoping people will say I have. He gave me the brush off, but as he was doing it he told me, and I couldn't help but believe him because he wasn't the type of guy who said things he didn't mean, that he really liked me and that he was sure if I just let people really get to know me that other people, other guys, would like me too.
After that there was a punk (in both attitude, style, and taste in music). He had long, dark brown hair, shaved on the sides and dyed purple (my favorite color). He had 14 earrings and one belly button ring (he pierced it himself with a safety pin by the way). He played drums and wore golf pants cut off at the knee with converse and he smoked like a chimney. Every girl that met him wanted him (no matter what she thought her type was). The fact that he even looked twice at me was enough to have me fall head over heels for him, but he could not be tied down. I suppose I should have been flattered rather than profoundly confused when he was making out with me one day and trying to fix me up with his best friend the next day (and I mean that literally, it was the next day).
I fell pretty hard for the best friend ultimately too but it took me so long to make the transition that I missed my window with him. He was on the swim team at school and had the build to prove it. He was a huge U2 fan and had the self righteous attitude to prove that (but then so was I and so did I). He was somehow simultaneously confident and self conscious. I'm afraid I might have hurt him with my indecisiveness, but I don't feel too bad about it since he humiliated me with his indecisiveness.
My senior year I went out with a guy who was two years younger than me. I don't know that I really "fell for" him though. I liked him a lot, and at the time I said I loved him, and I probably did in a way, but not in that way. He was the younger brother of a guy I'd gone out with briefly the year before. My friend and I decided to adopt him into our circle of friends, to keep an eye on him because I was still sort of friends with his brother who'd graduated the previous year. We spent a lot of time hanging out with him over the summer and by the beginning of senior year he and I were a couple. I think he really wanted to go out with one of my other friends but she was taken so he settled for me. Not my most romantic relationship but (at 6 months) it was my longest at that point.
After high school I thought I met The One (that was when I believed there was only one person, a soul mate, for every one). He was hard working and smart and funny and good. I don't know how else to put it, he was a really good guy. I knew before I even met him that he would be someone important in my life and when I did meet him I fell in love quickly (if not immediately). It wasn't so fast for him and when he finally did fall in love with me he said he didn't know how he could have been so cold in the face of such kindness. What struck him the most about me was not my big brown eyes, or my hair (which I was quite proud of at the time), or my body, or anything on the surface. He was attracted to my kind heart and I think I loved him all the more for it. He was the kind of guy that you knew would never fail at anything he set his mind to both because he had natural talent (intelligence, athleticism, etc) and because he worked so hard. You could never begrudge him the good things that came to him because you knew he deserved everything good and that it couldn't happen to a better guy.
I became very picky after that. Before I had a new crush every time I turned around. I fell in and out of love at least once a year, but now I'm looking for a whole package. You know, someone who's got looks and personality, who gets me, who I'm attracted to but also have real feeling for. The first date I went on after my one serious relationship ended was with a Jewish boy from LA and I joked that perhaps Jewish boys from LA were going to be my new type. I didn't fall for that first guy though and for the life of me I can't figure out why I didn't feel anything for him since he was smart and funny and cute, too tall but that wouldn't stop me (I don't think), maybe it was just too soon after the break up (that's what I told him).
While I didn't fall for him the joke about Jewish boys from LA becoming my new type did turn out to be kind of apt because the next guy I did really fall for (two years later) was also a Jewish boy from LA. He has a talent that sometimes makes me feel very small by comparison. He'll ask me for my opinion about things he's written and I'll just wonder why. I wonder what he thinks I have to offer. I don't write poetry or short stories. I don't know anything about them. I write fluff. I am a hack. He writes things that are complex and interesting and subtle and often funny. But rather than being discouraged by it I'm challenged. I think that is one of the things that is so attractive to me. For the first time I don't look at someone who decides they want something and goes after it and just think, damn that's hot, I finally also think, damn why don't I do that.
They are an interesting mix aren't they? You want to know what they all have in common (all but one at least). They were all born between the 21st of July and the 22nd of August. I'm generally not a big believer in astrology. I read horoscopes mostly for laughs, but I can't really ignore this level of coincidence. In truth even random guys I meet and think are cute, like the bartender at my new favorite pub, turn out to be Leos. If I did buy into astrology this fact alone might actually be pretty good evidence against its precepts since I am Taurus and I've been told by people who do follow astrology that Taurus and Leo are supposed to be one of the worst combinations in the Zodiac. But of course I don't buy into it. And I certainly don't have a type.
posted by Beth at
8:59 PM
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