Misspent Youth
I hate to say this, and so before I do I have to qualify what I'm about to say by saying that I really like my job and the people I work with. I love my roommate (who also happens to be my brother). I love my family and friends and cats. I love how green everything is here. I love a lot of things about Seattle, and if you'd asked me six months ago I'd have said I couldn't really imagine living anywhere else, but I think it's kind of killing my spirit.
Maybe I'm just being petulant because I don't enjoy returning to my responsible adult life after having spent 7 weeks responsibility free (mostly). I don't like going to work, and remembering to feed the cats and clean the litter, and get my oil changed, and return overdue library books. Who does?
Maybe it's because my birthday is this week. Last year on my birthday someone told me I had two more years of misspent youth which, logically, means I have one more year of misspent youth now. The truth though, is that I haven't been misspending my youth for a while, maybe ever. Except for the last couple months in Europe. I've said before that I feel kind of stunted, like a 19-year-old in the body of...someone much older than that...and I feel even more like that now.
I'm just starting to wonder what I have to show for my responsibility, for having made it to age, almost, 29 without having ever played beer pong, or taken a cross country road trip, or even been unemployed for more than a few weeks in almost 10 years. Sure my excellent credit rating will come in handy when I want to buy a house someday and being fully vested in my retirement account makes me feel a bit less like the last 5 years have been wasted, but I'm missing a whole chunk of life experience.
Where did the responsible impulse even come from? I'd like to say, and sometimes do say, that there was a boy involved. I loved him and decided to have a nice, domestic, responsible life with him and, despite what I may have said when it all fell apart, I don't feel like all that time was wasted because of him. So, saying the boy was the reason actually makes it seems like less of a waste, but the truth is the responsible impulse pre-dates him (and seems to have outlasted him). What stopped me at age 18 from picking up and moving to LA to become a waitress...I mean statistic...I mean actress? Well, that's not a very reliable career choice, it wouldn't be the responsible thing to do.
What stops me now? Unfortunately now, in order to keep my excellent credit rating, I have to start paying back student loans in a few months so my cross country road trip may never happen. I suppose there's always beer pong if really want to misspend my youth before I run out of time.
Maybe I'm just being petulant because I don't enjoy returning to my responsible adult life after having spent 7 weeks responsibility free (mostly). I don't like going to work, and remembering to feed the cats and clean the litter, and get my oil changed, and return overdue library books. Who does?
Maybe it's because my birthday is this week. Last year on my birthday someone told me I had two more years of misspent youth which, logically, means I have one more year of misspent youth now. The truth though, is that I haven't been misspending my youth for a while, maybe ever. Except for the last couple months in Europe. I've said before that I feel kind of stunted, like a 19-year-old in the body of...someone much older than that...and I feel even more like that now.
I'm just starting to wonder what I have to show for my responsibility, for having made it to age, almost, 29 without having ever played beer pong, or taken a cross country road trip, or even been unemployed for more than a few weeks in almost 10 years. Sure my excellent credit rating will come in handy when I want to buy a house someday and being fully vested in my retirement account makes me feel a bit less like the last 5 years have been wasted, but I'm missing a whole chunk of life experience.
Where did the responsible impulse even come from? I'd like to say, and sometimes do say, that there was a boy involved. I loved him and decided to have a nice, domestic, responsible life with him and, despite what I may have said when it all fell apart, I don't feel like all that time was wasted because of him. So, saying the boy was the reason actually makes it seems like less of a waste, but the truth is the responsible impulse pre-dates him (and seems to have outlasted him). What stopped me at age 18 from picking up and moving to LA to become a waitress...I mean statistic...I mean actress? Well, that's not a very reliable career choice, it wouldn't be the responsible thing to do.
What stops me now? Unfortunately now, in order to keep my excellent credit rating, I have to start paying back student loans in a few months so my cross country road trip may never happen. I suppose there's always beer pong if really want to misspend my youth before I run out of time.
posted by Beth at
3:49 PM
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