The eagle flies with the dove...
I went to a wedding this weekend and the groom said to me that he believed, now more than ever, that we all have a destiny and we have to go after it.
It occurs to me that some back story is probably required here. I met this guy, the groom from the wedding, about a month ago along with several other guys. All of us became very close very fast perhaps because of the combination of personalities or because we were spending all day together (in class) and then frequently going out together afterward or maybe because we were in a foreign country where we were only just learning to speak the language. Whatever the reason these guys that I've known for a matter of weeks are like family to me now. While we were all in Germany getting to know each other we had some pretty interesting conversations often times about love and commitment because we had the spectrum of relationships pretty well covered (from married to engaged to new relationships to long term relationships to single). One of the major conversations (that turned into a class project) was about commitment being a choice.
Those who know me are well aware that my view about commitment comes directly from the movie Keeping the Faith, or rather is identical to the view espoused in the movie that being: you can never really commit to anything (or anyone) unless you recognize and accept that it is a choice you are making. The way that view translates, for me, to romantic relationships is that you have to realize that there isn't some mythical "one" out there for you, that there are a lot of people you could be with (and be perfectly happy) and that it isn't just a choice you make once, say when you decide to get married to them, you're making that same choice in a thousand little ways every day that you are with that person. I'm not saying that you can choose who to love. You can't choose who you will fall in love with. In fact, that's kind of the point. There's no way you can be sure when you love someone and decide to commit to them that you won't fall in love with someone else later on down the road. The only thing you can be sure of is your own choices. It's not that I don't believe in destiny or fate (fate is more accurate I think), it's just that I believe that the choices we make today effect our fates.
So, my friend, the groom at this wedding, said to me that he believed more than ever that we each have a destiny (I think he meant with regard to love) and that we have to go after it. I agree with him (basically) and it was nice to see him so happy but I think he intended a message for me in addition. I think he was saying something to me about going out there, finding what (or who) I want, and making it happen like he did. I think he was saying that he wanted me to find someone and be as happy as he is with his new wife.
My problem is this: what if I know what I want but can't make it happen? If I can't be with the one I love should I love the one I'm with (so to speak)?
It occurs to me that some back story is probably required here. I met this guy, the groom from the wedding, about a month ago along with several other guys. All of us became very close very fast perhaps because of the combination of personalities or because we were spending all day together (in class) and then frequently going out together afterward or maybe because we were in a foreign country where we were only just learning to speak the language. Whatever the reason these guys that I've known for a matter of weeks are like family to me now. While we were all in Germany getting to know each other we had some pretty interesting conversations often times about love and commitment because we had the spectrum of relationships pretty well covered (from married to engaged to new relationships to long term relationships to single). One of the major conversations (that turned into a class project) was about commitment being a choice.
Those who know me are well aware that my view about commitment comes directly from the movie Keeping the Faith, or rather is identical to the view espoused in the movie that being: you can never really commit to anything (or anyone) unless you recognize and accept that it is a choice you are making. The way that view translates, for me, to romantic relationships is that you have to realize that there isn't some mythical "one" out there for you, that there are a lot of people you could be with (and be perfectly happy) and that it isn't just a choice you make once, say when you decide to get married to them, you're making that same choice in a thousand little ways every day that you are with that person. I'm not saying that you can choose who to love. You can't choose who you will fall in love with. In fact, that's kind of the point. There's no way you can be sure when you love someone and decide to commit to them that you won't fall in love with someone else later on down the road. The only thing you can be sure of is your own choices. It's not that I don't believe in destiny or fate (fate is more accurate I think), it's just that I believe that the choices we make today effect our fates.
So, my friend, the groom at this wedding, said to me that he believed more than ever that we each have a destiny (I think he meant with regard to love) and that we have to go after it. I agree with him (basically) and it was nice to see him so happy but I think he intended a message for me in addition. I think he was saying something to me about going out there, finding what (or who) I want, and making it happen like he did. I think he was saying that he wanted me to find someone and be as happy as he is with his new wife.
My problem is this: what if I know what I want but can't make it happen? If I can't be with the one I love should I love the one I'm with (so to speak)?
posted by Beth at
4:17 PM
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