Who am I?
I'm trying to think of something to write in the "About Me" section of my profile. It doesn't seem like it should be a difficult task, especially for someone as verbose as I generally am. I've been thinking about this for a little while now and I think I've finally figured out the, rather bizarre, reason that I can't think of anything to say about myself. I don't have the knowledge base. I feel pretty confident talking about politics, or cycling, or television. I know a lot about those things. It may seem a bit incongruous to say that I don't know a lot about myself, but trust me, it's at least partly true.
I used to think it was odd how people often seem to describe themselves in terms of what music, movies and books they like. I once asked in a profile how much people think they can really learn about each other that way. Do they really think that their taste in those things types them in some way, and then I, somewhat sarcastically, went on to say that if that's the case I'm a Frank Sinatra/Jerry Bruckheimer/Jane Austen type or The Who/Aaron Sorkin/Tom Robbins type. I find myself now, having to eat those words, not about what music, movies and books I like, but about the fact that it doesn't say anything about me. I realize that you can tell a lot about a person by their taste in music (or books, or movies or TV), and that even if you can't, I certainly judge people by their taste and I'm sure not the only one. If I sit down with a group of people I don't really know the one who says they are a Who fan or an Aaron Sorkin fan is immediately the most interesting person in the room to me.
However, if you're to judge me by my taste in music, movies, TV and books, you're going to get a very odd picture. First glance might tell you I'm a rocker chick, I definitely like classic rock and punk, but that would be belied by the fact that you can frequently find me singing along at the top of my lungs to Britney Spears. You'll find the same type of contradictions in my taste in movies and books and TV. I love Jerry Bruckheimer movies, the more things that blow up the better (Armageddon was one of my favorites), but I also love romantic comedies, historical dramas, sci-fi, fantasy, classic films and movies about sports. I have odd and fairly far reaching taste, and yeah, I guess it says something about me, but I'm not sure what. I really don't know myself that well.
You might assume my inability to create an "About Me" blurb is some sort of modesty on my part but that's not the case at all. If you've read much of this blog you know that I have no problem writing about myself. I devote a fair amount of space to self reflection, I've talked about my indecisiveness, and even written about my dreams. Also, I'm willing to tell ridiculously personal stories about myself to perfect strangers. All they have to do is ask, or happen to be around when someone else asks. In fact, a little over a week ago I told a waitress at Marrakesh the story of how I lost my virginity. I was there, at Marrakesh, with my 4 best girlfriends, and the subject somehow turned to where we each had lost our virginity. Well, the waitress walked by when it was my turn to share, and she was curious, so we invited her to sit down and hear the story. This story doesn't exactly paint me in the best light - to give you an idea it involves a bet (not for money though, for a carton of cigarettes), sex (obviously,) and a construction site - but what do I care. I could say I don't care what she thought of me because I'd never see her again, but that's not really true because after she sat down and heard my super personal story we all talked for another 1/2 hour and exchanged e-mail addresses. I may very well see her again. I just don't care about what kind of impression that story left her with.
You know what? It occurs to me now, that the one thing I can really say about myself is that I am not the kind of person who ever thinks about impressing people or what people think about me. Obviously, there are people who I would love to have think well of me. I would enjoy impressing some people, but it honestly never crosses my mind to censor my life in order to achieve that end, or to supplement it for that matter. It used to, when I was a kid (until about age 15), I wanted badly to be popular. Up to that point if I would pretend to like things, types of music in particular (so we've come full circle here), that I didn't like just so that someone would think I was cool. I would say I'd done things I hadn't, or say I'd not done things that I had in order to make myself look better to people. Later, I actively decided not to like anything that was popular. I just assumed if something was popular that meant it wasn't any good, but I've abandoned that philosophy as well. You've just got to be who you are, but I'm finding that figuring out who I am is a continuous process, I'm not sure I'll ever really have it figured out completely.
So, if you know me, please tell me about myself.
I used to think it was odd how people often seem to describe themselves in terms of what music, movies and books they like. I once asked in a profile how much people think they can really learn about each other that way. Do they really think that their taste in those things types them in some way, and then I, somewhat sarcastically, went on to say that if that's the case I'm a Frank Sinatra/Jerry Bruckheimer/Jane Austen type or The Who/Aaron Sorkin/Tom Robbins type. I find myself now, having to eat those words, not about what music, movies and books I like, but about the fact that it doesn't say anything about me. I realize that you can tell a lot about a person by their taste in music (or books, or movies or TV), and that even if you can't, I certainly judge people by their taste and I'm sure not the only one. If I sit down with a group of people I don't really know the one who says they are a Who fan or an Aaron Sorkin fan is immediately the most interesting person in the room to me.
However, if you're to judge me by my taste in music, movies, TV and books, you're going to get a very odd picture. First glance might tell you I'm a rocker chick, I definitely like classic rock and punk, but that would be belied by the fact that you can frequently find me singing along at the top of my lungs to Britney Spears. You'll find the same type of contradictions in my taste in movies and books and TV. I love Jerry Bruckheimer movies, the more things that blow up the better (Armageddon was one of my favorites), but I also love romantic comedies, historical dramas, sci-fi, fantasy, classic films and movies about sports. I have odd and fairly far reaching taste, and yeah, I guess it says something about me, but I'm not sure what. I really don't know myself that well.
You might assume my inability to create an "About Me" blurb is some sort of modesty on my part but that's not the case at all. If you've read much of this blog you know that I have no problem writing about myself. I devote a fair amount of space to self reflection, I've talked about my indecisiveness, and even written about my dreams. Also, I'm willing to tell ridiculously personal stories about myself to perfect strangers. All they have to do is ask, or happen to be around when someone else asks. In fact, a little over a week ago I told a waitress at Marrakesh the story of how I lost my virginity. I was there, at Marrakesh, with my 4 best girlfriends, and the subject somehow turned to where we each had lost our virginity. Well, the waitress walked by when it was my turn to share, and she was curious, so we invited her to sit down and hear the story. This story doesn't exactly paint me in the best light - to give you an idea it involves a bet (not for money though, for a carton of cigarettes), sex (obviously,) and a construction site - but what do I care. I could say I don't care what she thought of me because I'd never see her again, but that's not really true because after she sat down and heard my super personal story we all talked for another 1/2 hour and exchanged e-mail addresses. I may very well see her again. I just don't care about what kind of impression that story left her with.
You know what? It occurs to me now, that the one thing I can really say about myself is that I am not the kind of person who ever thinks about impressing people or what people think about me. Obviously, there are people who I would love to have think well of me. I would enjoy impressing some people, but it honestly never crosses my mind to censor my life in order to achieve that end, or to supplement it for that matter. It used to, when I was a kid (until about age 15), I wanted badly to be popular. Up to that point if I would pretend to like things, types of music in particular (so we've come full circle here), that I didn't like just so that someone would think I was cool. I would say I'd done things I hadn't, or say I'd not done things that I had in order to make myself look better to people. Later, I actively decided not to like anything that was popular. I just assumed if something was popular that meant it wasn't any good, but I've abandoned that philosophy as well. You've just got to be who you are, but I'm finding that figuring out who I am is a continuous process, I'm not sure I'll ever really have it figured out completely.
So, if you know me, please tell me about myself.
posted by Beth at
6:43 PM
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