Faith vs Fear
I want to talk a little bit about faith and fear. In my opinion faith and fear are the most basic components of life. Optimism is a type of faith and pessimism is a type of fear. Love is built out of faith and hate is built out of fear. This is a really personal subject for me, not least because of how I discovered my faith. I used to be a really negative, cynical, pessimistic person but when I was 18 I met someone, now my ex-boyfriend, who gave me faith. I shouldn't say that he gave me faith because it wasn't anything he did or even anything about who he was or is (in fact he's kind of pessimistic himself) it was more like an epiphany and it's entirely possible that it was simple coincidence that it came at the moment I met him, but I don't believe that it was a coincidence.
People who know me know that even now my ex is still able to renew my faith, when I feel it flagging, better than anyone else. Partly that is because he's a great friend to me. When I'm freaking out about the fact that I still have no idea what I really want to do with my life I will e-mail him and, of course, I won't say that I'm freaking out I'll just say that I'm thinking about doing _____ (fill in the blank - going to med school, or doing a study abroad program, or getting a PhD in film studies, or moving to the Himalayas and taking up basket weaving) and he will say that he's so excited for me and that he knows I will do great and have a great time. That kind of positive reinforcement is good for renewing my faith but it isn't the whole picture.
Part of it is that, in breaking up with me, he inspired even more faith in me because it was an amazing act of faith on his part and he'd never really been a very optimistic person. We'd been together for a long time (more than 7 years) and we both had our doubts about the relationship. He said once that he was 85% sure about us which wasn't nice to hear but at least it only left 15% uncertainty and when we broke up we were both thrown into the 100% uncertain world. He had a much harder time of it, ironically, since he's the one who made the final decision, and he asked me once why I seemed to be taking it so much better than him. I told him I had faith that everything would work out for the best. What I didn't tell him was that he gave me that faith. He gave it to me 10 years ago when I first met him and he renewed it 2 years ago when he left me and now when I start to feel it slipping away he reminds me what kind of person I am, that I am a person of faith.
I believe that their are two types of people, those that live in fear and those that have faith. Obviously, we all have fear from time to time, but some people get past fear and some can't. It should be clear by now that I don't mean, necessarily, religious faith or faith in anything specific but faith in general, faith that makes you ask yourself what you are afraid of and then enables you to toss that aside. That's what I'm trying to do now. What am I afraid of???
"You're afraid of fish. I'm afraid of dying in a hail of shrapnel. Who's crazier?" - Casey (Sports Night)
People who know me know that even now my ex is still able to renew my faith, when I feel it flagging, better than anyone else. Partly that is because he's a great friend to me. When I'm freaking out about the fact that I still have no idea what I really want to do with my life I will e-mail him and, of course, I won't say that I'm freaking out I'll just say that I'm thinking about doing _____ (fill in the blank - going to med school, or doing a study abroad program, or getting a PhD in film studies, or moving to the Himalayas and taking up basket weaving) and he will say that he's so excited for me and that he knows I will do great and have a great time. That kind of positive reinforcement is good for renewing my faith but it isn't the whole picture.
Part of it is that, in breaking up with me, he inspired even more faith in me because it was an amazing act of faith on his part and he'd never really been a very optimistic person. We'd been together for a long time (more than 7 years) and we both had our doubts about the relationship. He said once that he was 85% sure about us which wasn't nice to hear but at least it only left 15% uncertainty and when we broke up we were both thrown into the 100% uncertain world. He had a much harder time of it, ironically, since he's the one who made the final decision, and he asked me once why I seemed to be taking it so much better than him. I told him I had faith that everything would work out for the best. What I didn't tell him was that he gave me that faith. He gave it to me 10 years ago when I first met him and he renewed it 2 years ago when he left me and now when I start to feel it slipping away he reminds me what kind of person I am, that I am a person of faith.
I believe that their are two types of people, those that live in fear and those that have faith. Obviously, we all have fear from time to time, but some people get past fear and some can't. It should be clear by now that I don't mean, necessarily, religious faith or faith in anything specific but faith in general, faith that makes you ask yourself what you are afraid of and then enables you to toss that aside. That's what I'm trying to do now. What am I afraid of???
"You're afraid of fish. I'm afraid of dying in a hail of shrapnel. Who's crazier?" - Casey (Sports Night)
posted by Beth at
5:15 PM
1 Comments:
I came here through a link to your comments on doping in cycling, but found your thoughts on faith very insightful. I'm a 50-something guy with 2 boys who are at the point of embarking on their own lives... They have made me consider trust, faith, and optimism as they make significant life choices. I believe in them, and I think have developed faith that their paths will lead them to their own definition of peace and success. That is a challenge as a parent sometimes.
Thanks for an sharing your insights!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home