Redefining perfection
A lot of the stuff I write here are the things I would write about if someone gave me my own newspaper column (sports, politics, television, etc.) and I think a lot of blogs out there are like that. However, sometimes I think a blog is really just like a diary or journal except it's not at all private because it's posted on the internet for anyone to read. Certainly I've also posted plenty of bizarre personal details up here in addition to the bits about sports, politics, television and literature. Right now though, I'm going to take a turn for the girly with the thinking-of-my-blog-as-a-diary thing.
I picked up a Nora Roberts novel at the grocery store yesterday. I know, I know, I read romance novels, I'm a girl, get used to it. This entry isn't going to be peppered with high brow references to Beckett or Cervantes or talk about political events ripped from the headlines of the New York Times, or even my flowery new age metaphysical philosophizing. It's going to be about romance.
This romance novel has a line in it that I really liked, that put me back in touch with my inner girly-girl. The guy in this story had noticed an older couple and been struck by how in love they still seemed after 30 years together, he didn't get it really, but of course this is a romance novel so by the end of the story he's figured it out. It says, "He knew now what caused a man to fall so deeply in love that it never ended. It was finding the unique woman, and what knowing her could do to your heart". The unique woman. Not the beautiful, or smart, or funny, or sexy, or exciting, or any-other-more-specific-adjective woman, but the unique woman.
That's the fantasy right there. At least it's the one that I buy into. Somewhere out there is a guy who will find my very specific and bizarre grouping of personality traits perfect for him. Somewhere out there is a guy who describes the perfect girl as someone with an argumentative streak who likes classic rock AND bubblegum pop, who loves logic but is also a hopeless romantic with a ridiculous amount of faith, who likes baseball but refuses to watch it on television (except when her home town team makes it to the playoffs, but that hardly ever happens), who eats Skittles one color at a time, who loves to do NY Times crossword puzzles even though she sucks at it and can't get past Wednesdays, who sometimes sings under her breath (wildly off key) when she's writing or cooking or doing the dishes, who likes Bruce Willis actions movies, who loves to travel, who would think a punk rock show was a romantic date but would also be happy to stay home and watch TV and bake cookies, who likes to eat the limes that come with her gin and tonics, who likes to read classic works of literature but also Harry Potter books and romance novels, etc. Somewhere out there is a guy who's perfect woman is me, couldn't possibly be anyone else given the unique and specific definition he has of the perfect woman.
I have my unique and specific definition of the perfect guy. I've always said that what I really want is a guy who'd be happy at a baseball game or the theater, at a rock and roll concert or staying home and reading a good book or watching TV. The broad strokes stay the same - smart, funny, classic rock, baseball, optimism, books - but it gets more specific when applied to specific guys.
In the books, the romance novels, it's not like the guy has this definition of the uniquely perfect woman already in mind and the girl happens to fit it. He meets the girl and falls in love with her and in the process of doing so comes up with the definition of the perfect woman based on her. It's like another one of my favorite lines, delivered with that complete romantic sincerity that's quintessentially Matthew Perry, in the movie Fools Rush In. He says to the girl, "You're everything I never knew I always wanted".
Of course in the fantasy it's a two way street. You're redefining in your head what the perfect guy is, and it's him, while he's redefining in his head what the perfect girl is, an it's you. For some reason whenever I meet a guy who thinks I redefine perfection he doesn't redefine it for me or when I meet the guy who redefines perfection for me I don't do it for him. I'm sure though (see above regarding my inner hopeless romantic) that somewhere is a guy who will think my penchant for exaggeration and overuse of the words "basically" and "essentially" is cute and I'll find his flaws adorable as well.
I picked up a Nora Roberts novel at the grocery store yesterday. I know, I know, I read romance novels, I'm a girl, get used to it. This entry isn't going to be peppered with high brow references to Beckett or Cervantes or talk about political events ripped from the headlines of the New York Times, or even my flowery new age metaphysical philosophizing. It's going to be about romance.
This romance novel has a line in it that I really liked, that put me back in touch with my inner girly-girl. The guy in this story had noticed an older couple and been struck by how in love they still seemed after 30 years together, he didn't get it really, but of course this is a romance novel so by the end of the story he's figured it out. It says, "He knew now what caused a man to fall so deeply in love that it never ended. It was finding the unique woman, and what knowing her could do to your heart". The unique woman. Not the beautiful, or smart, or funny, or sexy, or exciting, or any-other-more-specific-adjective woman, but the unique woman.
That's the fantasy right there. At least it's the one that I buy into. Somewhere out there is a guy who will find my very specific and bizarre grouping of personality traits perfect for him. Somewhere out there is a guy who describes the perfect girl as someone with an argumentative streak who likes classic rock AND bubblegum pop, who loves logic but is also a hopeless romantic with a ridiculous amount of faith, who likes baseball but refuses to watch it on television (except when her home town team makes it to the playoffs, but that hardly ever happens), who eats Skittles one color at a time, who loves to do NY Times crossword puzzles even though she sucks at it and can't get past Wednesdays, who sometimes sings under her breath (wildly off key) when she's writing or cooking or doing the dishes, who likes Bruce Willis actions movies, who loves to travel, who would think a punk rock show was a romantic date but would also be happy to stay home and watch TV and bake cookies, who likes to eat the limes that come with her gin and tonics, who likes to read classic works of literature but also Harry Potter books and romance novels, etc. Somewhere out there is a guy who's perfect woman is me, couldn't possibly be anyone else given the unique and specific definition he has of the perfect woman.
I have my unique and specific definition of the perfect guy. I've always said that what I really want is a guy who'd be happy at a baseball game or the theater, at a rock and roll concert or staying home and reading a good book or watching TV. The broad strokes stay the same - smart, funny, classic rock, baseball, optimism, books - but it gets more specific when applied to specific guys.
In the books, the romance novels, it's not like the guy has this definition of the uniquely perfect woman already in mind and the girl happens to fit it. He meets the girl and falls in love with her and in the process of doing so comes up with the definition of the perfect woman based on her. It's like another one of my favorite lines, delivered with that complete romantic sincerity that's quintessentially Matthew Perry, in the movie Fools Rush In. He says to the girl, "You're everything I never knew I always wanted".
Of course in the fantasy it's a two way street. You're redefining in your head what the perfect guy is, and it's him, while he's redefining in his head what the perfect girl is, an it's you. For some reason whenever I meet a guy who thinks I redefine perfection he doesn't redefine it for me or when I meet the guy who redefines perfection for me I don't do it for him. I'm sure though (see above regarding my inner hopeless romantic) that somewhere is a guy who will think my penchant for exaggeration and overuse of the words "basically" and "essentially" is cute and I'll find his flaws adorable as well.
posted by Beth at
4:13 PM
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